I cockslap morals
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
