I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
