3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
