My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
