yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
