dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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