Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
