the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Drake has all the answers
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
