when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
