big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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