i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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