piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
