direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
