If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
