I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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