watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
