I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
