how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
