my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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