Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
