I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
