i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
