Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
