pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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