dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
