dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
