theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
