Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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