Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
