Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
