fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
