I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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