i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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