Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
