HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
