Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
