nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
