i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
