I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
