you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
