I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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