help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My underwear smells like fireworks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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