me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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