can we get nightvision for the apartment?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
