I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
