i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
