I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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