well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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