What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
