my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
