his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
