I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
