i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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